MONTREAL — Reports have come in that, in the early hours Tuesday morning, the depanneur on the corner of St. Laurent and St. Felicia had finally emerged from its cocoon as a glorious and beautiful Couche-Tard.
The Couche-Tard, previously known as Depanneur St. Felicia, is brightly lit with plenty of floor space and a sloche machine that offers three distinct flavours. As it embarks on its new life, the Couche-Tard’s customers will be mostly local college students out for late night snacks and a few single people who forgot to pick up one or two things while shopping earlier in the day. While not exclusively nocturnal, experts point out that nighttime will definitely see the new Couche-Tard more active.
Locals, including many former customers of Depanneur St. Felicia, have been adjusting to the new building in their neighbourhood,
“Look at all the colours!” Local child Jean Peller said, pointing to the beer ads in the Couche-Tard’s wide windows, “The beer in this store looks so happy!”
“I’ve seen a lot of deps become Couche-Tards.” Marie Peller told reporters, “And it still blows my mind. I mean, the old place was just so small and cramped, and now look at it!”
“This is by no means a unique event,” says local Depidoptrist Blake Hentrie, “this transformation is actually quite common in this region. First, a neighbourhood attracts a specific kind of resident in need of cheap rent. This resident then attracts slightly more affluent hangers-on, who then visit and pollinate local businesses, allowing them to become the colourful specimens like what we’re looking at today.”
“Eventually, we’ll see what effects this Couche-Tard will have on the local ecosystem” Blake continued, “we can expect to see different trash on the sidewalks, and you might see the occasional cashier wanted ads on local craigslist postings. This is all a perfectly natural part of the cycle.”
Although it cannot be confirmed at this time, indications are that, come next winter, the Couche-Tard will not be migrating to a warmer climate.“It’s too early to tell.” Hentrie told reporters, “While deps are exclusively acclimated to colder temperatures, unlike bodegas and 7-11s, some Couche-Tards have been spotted as far south as the border, in cities such as Toronto and Windsor.”
