TORONTO – Twenty minutes after stumbling across Michael Bublé’s new Canadian walk of fame star, Aunt Linda is still standing motionless in front of it, with her eyes closed and her hands clasped in front of her.
“Oh gosh, that’s his signature. I’m standing right where he must have stood,” said Aunt Linda, seconds before the episode began. “I can’t believe I get to have this experience.”
Sources close to Aunt Linda say that she really loves Michael Bublé, and that no, you don’t get it, you’re not listening to her, she *understands* Michael Bublé.
“Personally, I can’t stand Michael Bublé anymore than you or any other healthy, normal person does,” said Aunt Linda’s sister, Mom. “But your Aunt Linda’s been through some stuff with the divorce, and somehow his terrible music has helped her with that, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make jokes about him around her.”
Although a small crowd has gathered and several people including a police officer and a firefighter have asked her whether or not she is alright, Aunt Linda has remained completely unresponsive to anything but the lingering aetheric resonances of Michael Bublé.
At press time, Aunt Linda had finally come out of the trance after humming the tune of that one fucking song of his to herself twelve or thirteen times.
