VANCOUVER – The Federal Court of Canada handed down a landmark decision today that grants patients prescribed marijuana the right to grow their own plants despite Evan already having pretty much any strain you could ever want.
“Patients who use medical marijuana have long been denied their rights on this issue,” said Judge Michael Phelan. “It’s important that they have the right to grow their own weed and, of course, the continued right to get primo shit from Evan.”
Ever since pot showed impressive benefits to those needing palliative care, the source of medical marijuana has been a hot-button issue. Legislators across Canada often engage in fierce debate over whether Evan’s stash is dank or whether it is extremely dank.
“Oh God, I just realized what this legal action must look like,” said Neil Allard, who launched the court challenge. “To be clear, today’s ruling is not a referendum on the wide selection and high quality of Evan’s product. Evan, your shit rocks. This was just about some stupid Charter Rights.”
While users are pleased with the ruling, most don’t see it changing their usual routine of texting Evan’s burner phone, meeting him at Wendy’s or in his basement apartment, buying several nugs of some sweet kush, and then hanging around for a few minutes out of politeness.
“I guess I could try growing my own,” said glaucoma sufferer Milo Warren. “But then I’d need heat lamps, clay pots, soil. It’s not worth it when Evan is literally right around the corner. Did you try that Sour Diesel sativa he got? Tasty.”
The Federal Court also upheld its ban of buying from Dale, who has been majorly creepy to Jane and her friends whenever they drop by.
