SASKATOON – Following successful advertising blitzes in key markets like New York, Beijing, and Mexico City, the Canadian prairie province has eked out the competition to become the world’s largest exporter of immense, near-empty space.
“After the bottom fell out of the Potash market we needed something to sell,” said Shelley Clayborn, owner of VistaMax. “Turns out white collar office workers will pay a pretty penny for the endless beauty of the outdoors, especially on weekends they can’t make it to the cottage.”
Other nations were pushing to wrest control of the marketplace from Canada but so far they’ve met with little success. Russia, in particular, had begun packaging and shipping wide swaths of Siberia but was unable to gain a foothold after customers found human remains littering the pristine tundra outlooks.
“Make the smart choice and buy Canadian! Within 5 business days, waiting on your doorstep will be a box full of gorgeous panoramas, endless sky, and clean empty space, far as the eye can see,” said Clayborn, referring to her company’s WideAngle+ scenery package. “For only $89.99 it’s a steal!”
While the business world rejoices, some have criticized the economic and environmental consequences of selling off such large quantities of pristine unused space, especially to countries like China where they are allegedly used to cover up cities clouded in smog.
Furthermore, locals worry the exportation of incredible views is having a negative impact on Saskatchewan as a whole.
“Everyday I noticed there were fewer infinite fields of grain and less unlimited sky separating me from Ms. Fleming, my neighbour,” said Gavin McTavish. “Three months ago I couldn’t see her house from my porch. Now she’s pushed up right against me, blocking my view.”
“That is, if there’s any view left.”
At press time, Vancouver was now the second largest global distributor of smugness, trailing only Paris.
