By: Darryl Bowden
I’m getting real sick of this. Every time I go into the supply closet at work, everyone expects that I’m going to come out within the hour. But I’m not. Why? Because I like it here! I have everything I need, all the time. Paper clips? Got it. Scissors? Got it. Toilet? Bucket. Hell, my local pizza parlour even delivers to supply closets now. I’m set. Also it’s the only time I get to talk to Fitzroy, the invisible man who’s stuck in the old paper shredder.
People try and get me to come out, by saying that “Darryl you don’t need to be in there that long,” or “Darryl could you at least pass me the post it notes.” And my answer is always the same “No. Now please stop distracting me I have a report to finish.” The worst person though is Dave, the intern. I hate Dave. So much. Whenever he gets a chance he’ll walk up to my door, kick it a bunch of times with his foot, call me a “fraggin’ loser,” and then fart through the ventilation screen. Oh god I hate Dave. So much. You have no idea. Fitzroy says that he’s going after my job and that I should be careful not to retaliate…yet.
This is just my space. Some people have offices, some people have cubicles, and some people have supply closets. So back off Brenda, you’ll get your gel pens as soon as I finish writing this editorial and break for lunch. Anyways, why else would there be an outlet in here if they didn’t want people to work in it? I mean, I’ve been here since, well, since we got that new photocopier. Something about it…
Anyway, they’re planning on putting a lock on the door. Soon I’ll have to ask permission from a supervisor to gain entrance into my work space. I won’t stand for it though. Neither will Fitzroy. That’s why I’m staying in here over night to fix the old paper shredder. As soon as the locksmith comes, I’ll reach in, get Fitzroy, and we’ll be ready to defend our office space! Huzzah!
