NEW MEXICO – Resident alien Credacorh Zaph has become disaffected by the mass production of crop circles over the last few decades and has turned his back on them in favour of roughly hewn but locally grown ovals.
“Yeah, I suppose circles are fine if you’re into that sort of thing,” lamented Zaph through a translator. “But at some point you have to look past the consumerism and expand your horizons. No one does ovals, except on this little planet GX-885. Great espresso there, too.”
Farmers have described the ovals as superficially interesting, but lacking in any real function or substance. Many insist there’s no explanation for the phenomenon besides an alien who is trying way too hard.
“I try not to do my ovals in the usual spots,” continued Zaph, taking a drag from the clove cigarettes in each of his seven mouths. “Farmers in New Mexico have really mainstream tastes. But if you go up to the farms in Alberta—that’s in Canada, I don’t know if you’ve been there—you can really get away with something more organic up there.”
As he absorbed brunch after brunch through a porous membrane, Zaph said he was excited to do even more obscure things with crops, including Crop Literature, and Crop Frida Kahlo Prints. He cited his tattoos as inspiration, showing off a Virgin Mary on his bulbous, gelatinous neck.
“I might also just switch it up completely, and try music at some point,” he said as he tied his scalp tentacles up in a man bun. He turned towards his copilot and added loudly, “There’s this band, the Beatles? Yeah they’re from Earth, so you probably haven’t heard them yet.”
