OTTAWA – Two renowned Canadian geologists published a high-profile paper this morning finding that, with three weeks to Election Day, the 2015 federal campaign has officially outlasted two major geological time periods.
“It’s truly amazing,” says Anthony Costopoulos, Professor at the University of Ottawa’s Department of Earth and Environmental Sciences, “Normally these elections just feel agonizingly slow – but here we have scientific proof that this one actually is.”
Costopoulos’ co-author, Professor Peter Chrisomalis, explained the discovery: “When you look at a section of rock, you’ll see these lines. Those are strata, and each of them is a deposition of mineral. Over millions of years, different strata pile up, and that group of strata corresponds to a geological age. Then, a few more million years, and another age, and then another. That’s how long this fucking election has been.”
The paper confirms similar results from a team of paleontologists at the University of Alberta who, last week, discovered a beetle preserved in amber and dated it back to just after the writ drop. “This beetle”, they concluded, “died a long, long time ago. We’re talking, like, before the Duffy trial, if you can believe that.”
