BEIJING – Following decades of surpassing the United States in education, manufacturing, and international trade, China is now outperforming its American rivals at economic meltdowns.
“It’s super frustrating,” admits Jason Goldstein, an investment banker at Goldman Sachs. “After everything we did to cripple the global economy back in ’08, we genuinely believed that we’d positioned America as the biggest threat to global financial stability. But it turns out, China’s even the best at being the worst.”
Now Goldstein worries that China may set its sights on other traditionally U.S.-dominated fields.
“What’s next? Are they going to beat us at mass shootings? Police brutality? Waging fraudulent wars as a pretext for annexing an oil-rich nation’s resources?” he asked rhetorically. “Two days ago, I’d have told you there’s no way. Now, I don’t know what to believe.”
“But enough whining. Wanna do some blow?”
