ONODOGA, ONTARIO – Camp Wannapoundya, billed as “North America’s first bully fantasy camp,” offers weak and harassed children the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to live out their fantasies of tormenting someone smaller than them.
“Camp Wannapoundya has done wonders for the self esteem of the puny nerds who come here,” says director Arvin Temple, 42. “Campers get to to sleep away from home, make new friends, and act out carefully-controlled staged scenarios which reverse the cruel persecution they experience throughout the school year.”
“We offer activities supervised by actual bullies, including swirlies, pummeling, verbal abuse, and even cyber bullying in our state of the art computer lab,” boasts Temple, leading reporters through the the camp grounds. “Naturally, the children who receive the ‘bullying’ are all actors, who have been instructed to never fight back or verbally retaliate under any circumstances, no matter how laughably fragile the fantasy camper may be.”
Temple even outlined plans for next summer, when Wannapoundya hopes to offer an “immersive virtual bullying experience”, utilizing the latest in Oculus Rift headset technology. “These geeks go crazy for stuff like that,” added Temple
“I love Camp Wannapoundya,” exclaimed bespectacled fantasy camper William Sowerby Jr., age 13. “Normally I’m the one getting beaten up at lunch hour, but now I can finally experience the heady feeling of venting all my adolescent rage on another living person without their consent.”
“Plus, I made a leather bracelet in arts and crafts – just like the real bullies wear!”
As Temple strolled through the 100 acre grounds, comprised of cabins, mess halls, and bully reenactment environments like “Back of the Schoolbus” and “Locker Room of Punishment”, he became reflective. “In my youth, I was encouraged to overcome bullying and turn the other cheek”
Temple continued, “But that sucked. All I ever really wanted was to wail on someone who couldn’t fight back. Now, I’m giving today’s geeks the opportunities I never had. It gets better, right now.”
It was at this point Temple had to cut the interview short and rush to the “Playground Experience”, where one of his fantasy campers had sprained a finger while administering a “Wet Willie”.
