TORONTO – Ace Marketing, a mid-sized advertising agency located in Toronto, has suffered a three-fold increase in workplace injuries after switching out their usual sitting desks for a Swedish-inspired trampoline alternative.
“At first it was great,” said project director Elizabeth Morrow while icing her forehead. “Nobody needed coffee anymore, the janitors were finally able to clean the ceiling, HR was playing ‘Jump Around’ by House of Pain on repeat. Then, three hours later, employees were suddenly dropping like flies.”
“Say… do you think the trampolines had anything to do with it?”
The desks, created by office design maven Asvi Sandquist, work using the groundbreaking theory that if standing is better than sitting, jumping must be better than standing.
“There are many, many health advantages to the trampoline desk,” said Sandquist. “Our studies have shown that people need to work much faster while airborne and also that being 15 feet in the air allows for improved outside the box thinking. Additionally, workers who use the desk show increased blood flow to the brain, then to the feet, then to the brain again, and then back to the feet.”
Injuries abruptly began shortly after the office’s ceiling fans were turned on to combat the humid June weather. To make matters worse, productivity plummeted after female employees who had arrived that morning in summer dresses refused to continue working.
“I hesitate to say that this was a complete failure,” explained CEO Jeremy Wilkes from his hospital bed. “In my industry, every setback is an opportunity in disguise. That being said, I’m not sure what we’re going to do with a bunch of broken ceiling tiles and smashed windows, but I hope it’ll be profitable.”
At press time, Ace Marketing had seen a further spike in accidents after replacing the trampolines with ergonomically superior mechanical bull desks.
