KINGSTON – A 7pm showing of the Entourage film at a multiplex theatre in Ontario was attended exclusively by filmgoers who claimed to be there by accident.
“Wait, this is the Entourage movie?” said local woman Lisa Matthews, pretending to be upset. “I thought I bought a ticket to see… um… Mad Max. Oh well, I might as well take a seat. It’s way too late to turn back now.”
Although the theatre was roughly half-full, none of the attending filmgoers would admit to intentionally purchasing a ticket to Entourage. Many even denied being aware of the wildly popular HBO program.
“Entourage? What’s that?” said Louis Poplar, 31, sitting next to a basket of laundry. “I’m here to do laundry. I thought this building was a giant laundromat. That’s why I have this basket of laundry. The logic checks out, right?”
A study released by Deadline earlier this week confirmed that while the Entourage movie would be enjoyable for Entourage fans, that enjoyment could never, ever outweigh the shame of publicly identifying themselves as Entourage fans.
“Me, a 42-year-old man, voluntarily spending $11 to see that inane Entourage drivel? That makes no sense,” said David Laskin, 42, while adjusting his trenchcoat and sunglasses. “Clearly, I’m two 12-year-old boys who got on each other’s shoulders, put on a trenchcoat, tricked the theatre into selling them a ticket to an R-rated film, and are now waiting to see what Turtle has gotten up to. That’s all.”
When reached for comment, Jeremy Piven insisted that he had never even heard of Entourage, let alone won 3 Emmy awards for portraying one of the main characters.
