TORONTO – Students held back from school Monday by parents protesting the proposed sex ed curriculum report they managed to make good use of their free time by snapping full frontal nudes and sending duck faced cleavage sexts to each other.
“I’m glad my parents are taking a stand against this intrusive proposal by going to Queen’s Park to protest,” said local teen Daniel O’Bryan. “It’s so freeing to be able to sit down and snap a picture of my penis without worrying about my parents walking in.”
Girlfriend Sophie Turner admitted that while she doesn’t actually find her boyfriend’s penis attractive to look at and doesn’t understand why he keeps sending her different, filtered versions of it, she still finds time to reciprocate, searching out conveniently placed mirrors to snap a picture off of her naked chest.
“My mom’s at the local school demanding the government keep out of our religious household. She left me money for pizza, but I’ve already used it on a new Instagram filter that makes my tits look better than ever,” she said, giggling as she sent off a terrible, grammatically incorrect erotic message.
When asked about the sex-ed bill, O’Bryan argued he didn’t see the need for it, flattening his pubes while searching for another friend to sext.
“What are teachers going to teach us that our parents can’t,” he mumbled, scrolling through Facebook and liking his friend’s best #EggplantFriday dick pics.
Asked to expand, O’Bryan shrugged before adding he learned all the best poses from scrolling through his dad’s text messages with a woman he had never heard of.
