EDMONTON — After thirteen years of detention, Omar Khadr was released on bail on Tuesday after all parties agreed to allow him to become a member of ISIS should he feel so inclined.
“Frankly after what this guy has been through, I don’t think we should begrudge him the opportunity to actually commit the crimes he’s already paid for,” said Justice Ross.
“His trauma is itself evidence of torture,” the psychologist who performed the court-ordered assessment of Khadr reported. “Psychologically speaking, I think joining ISIS could be quite healing.”
Khadr, who spent 10 years at Guantanamo Bay, admits that he was willing to say anything to get transferred into the Canadian prison system. “Is Dick Cheney the love of my life? Absolutely! Also, America is the greatest nation on earth and I accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Please give me some art supplies, I’d like to draw cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad.”
Despite all parties involved admitting that Khadr has been a model prisoner, the Harper Government continues to oppose his release.
“Releasing Khadr would negatively impact our relationship with our key voting demographic: people who are afraid of Muslims,” said Prime Minister Stephen Harper.
“It’s funny” Khadr said, reflecting on his lengthy ordeal, “I used to blame my terrorist family for getting me into this mess, but as it turns out, everything my dad said about America and the West, turned out to be true.”
“Parents, eh? They always turn out to be right.”
