ANKARA – President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan called a press conference yesterday to once again draw attention to how very little happened 100 years ago.
“Nothing happened, not to the Armenians nor anything involving the Turks. Clearly the Armenian people are doing fine,” said Erdoğan. “Just look at the Kardashian’s! Look at all of the other Armenians who haven’t been killed systematically by a hypothetical genocidal government that never existed and certainly wasn’t a part of the Ottoman Empire.”
“Assuming that empire was even a thing.”
Turkey has frequently denied that anything happened 100 years ago, and that if something did happen, it certainly didn’t result in the deaths of over a million Armenians. The administrations since 1915 have felt this so strongly that they are prepared to do “a lot of nothing” to anyone in Turkey who disagrees.
President Erdoğan explained that, even in the remote possibility that a non-specified event occurred in 1915, Turkey was now a beautiful paradise for minority groups.
“And we certainly aren’t oppressing any other minorities in Turkey,” said Erdoğan. “Kurds, Jews, Laz, Roma, Assyrians: these are some of the many groups that are not treated by second class citizens by the current administration. In fact, some of them aren’t even officially recognized by the government. How can you oppress someone you don’t believe exists?”
At press time, President Erdoğan feared that, if left unchecked, ISIS could soon become a greater threat to Turkish minorities than its own government.
With files from Jacob Duarte-Spiel and Alexander Huntley
