VANCOUVER – Controversy has struck the tree fort in Jeffrey Lewis’s backyard following the implementation of a ‘no girls’ rule.
“It’s my fort and I say no girls!” said Lewis. “I don’t even have to let you guys up here, you know. I’m fine up here all by myself.”
The leader of the opposition, Kyle Gonzales, has attempted to sway his fellow tree housemates by listing the many positive aspects of girls.
“Suzie knows how to make a rubber-band gun and Marissa is really, really, really good at gymnastics, which is totally like kung-fu,” said Gonzales. “Also, Richie [Brooks] said they were really soft.”
Despite his efforts, the debate continues to rage with no end in sight. Arguments have expanded beyond ideological lines and now those who believe in the policy have begun to level serious accusations against those who oppose it.
“Aadil [Ahmed] only wants girls in here because he has a crush on Anna,” said Timothy Harris. “He told me so yesterday.”
“Did not!” responded Ahmed.
The boys, however, were able to immediately agree that, if the policy were enacted, it would not apply to Lewis’s 16 year-old sister, who was given unlimited access to the fort by a vote of 4 to 1.
The majority chose not to explain their votes.
“I don’t even know why you guys want her up here,” said Lewis. “She’s awful. I hate her.”
The girls have released a public statement confirming that they didn’t even want to go in the stupid fort anyway.
