OTTAWA – The federal government has removed the Canadian Cancer Society’s charitable status after an CRA audit revealed the organization was conducting political activities with a strong prejudice against cancer.
“The Cancer Society has made a concerted political effort against all forms of cancer,” said Minister of Revenue Kerry-Lynne Findlay. “Radical and ideological members of the Society have demanded everyone to stop smoking, using asbestos in construction and even had the nerve to remind everyone to wear sunscreen. Clearly, this does not meet the definition of a charity.”
The audit stated that 98% of the activities that the Canadian Cancer Society since 1938 has been politically slanted against malignancy, while tens of thousands of volunteers have canvassed neighbourhoods spreading their own negative opinions on cancer and raising money to fight it.
“There was also an extensive anti-cancer research network worth billions of taxpayer dollars that pay scientists who oppose cancer,” Findlay stated with a complete look of disgust on her face.
The auditors pointed out that “preventing cancer” is not allowed, but “relieving cancer” is charitable as long as no one knows about it.
At press time, the CRA was threatening to deport members of Amnesty International to Syria if they didn’t stop writing politically slanted letters against torture.
