EDMONTON – City officials announced this week that Edmonton would be undergoing a radical “re-branding” aimed at attracting younger residents and improving its klout score.
“It’s clear that the city’s current growth model is failing, and we need to pivot towards attracting a younger audience” said Mackenzie Derrick, the recently appointed VP of Creative Disruption. “The new name – edmntn – reflects that mission. It’s young. It’s hip. It’s digitally-native and twitter-ready”, she continued. “It is two letters shorter than the old name.”
Responding to reporters who questioned the plan, the Mayor was adamant that this was a necessary step. “We didn’t become the great city we are today by saying “no” to hastily conceived plans that inevitably fail to meet expectations, leaving only the bitter taste of regret in our mouths like so much ash” said Mayor Jon Graveson. “In fact, and I’ll have to double check this with my staff, I’m pretty sure we’ve said yes to every one.”
Local residents were concerned about the lack of consultation around this momentous decision. However, the Mayor was quick to point out that he had thoroughly consulted himself.
While the centerpiece of the re-branding campaign is the new city name, officials also touted their plans to have Deadmau5 dj the next city hall meeting, gamify the property tax system, and encourage more city councillors to be active on Tinder.
