TORONTO – To kickstart the busy summer season, the Metro Toronto Zoo has introduced a new “buffet style” experience for interested visitors.
“Zoos are great resources for conservation efforts but upkeep costs have continued to rise,” said acting mayor Norm Kelly. “This new, delectable strategy will provide the necessary funds to keep these animals safe and happy.”
“Well… whatever animals are left.”
Early reviews have been almost universally positive. So much so, that the Toronto Zoo has become the first wildlife conservation site to receive three Michelin stars, with critics praising, in particular, the freshness and variety of the meals, and the low $25 price tag.
“Every dish was exquisite, from the giraffe souffle to the penguins at the Deep, Deep, Deep South BBQ,” wrote food critic Clem Sneevely. “I recommend you reserve a spot within the next week, before they run out of gibbons.”
Patrons have been similarly effusive.
“Oooh… I’m absolutely stuffed. I couldn’t possibly eat another lemur,” said zoo attendee, Daniel Cox, as he unbuckled his belt. “Well, maybe just one more bite. Gotta make sure I get my money’s worth.”
But not every visitor is excited by the new zoo policy, with many pointing out the ineffectiveness of the program as a whole.
“Oh sure they make you think it’s such a great deal, but they conveniently forget to tell you it isn’t ‘all-you-can-drink’,” said environmentalist David Suzuki. “I mean, really? $6.75 for a beer? This zoo blows.”
At press time, the Toronto Zoo was happily exhibiting its remaining animals: twelve poison-arrow frogs, an electric eel, and one tapir with a bite out of it.
