DETROIT, MI – In the wake of several manufacturing errors on many different models affecting over 13.6 million vehicles, General Motors has announced that it is recalling that it used to be able to make cars properly the first time.
“General Motors was once the shining jewel in the crown of American manufacturing,” said CEO Mary T. Barra. “Now our cars and trucks are… well you know how they’ve been doing. It just would be nice to have the good ol’ days back, you know?… (sigh) Oh well.”
In addition to the vehicle issues, GM is being sued for faulty ignition switches which have been blamed for the deaths of over 50 people, according to the victim’s lawyers, while the US government has recently fined the company $35 million for not disclosing information about the problem in a timely manner, leading to a situation that one source said is, “pretty crappy considering we used to be the best at making cars, but like, clearly that’s no longer the case. So that’s a bit of a bummer.”
In the face increased foreign competition and reliability, many at GM are saying that the company’s recent recall of their past glory was meant to spur them to do better, but realistically, everyone sees GM as “okay at making cars” or at best “pretty good at it.”
“Right now, our main goal is to make at least one car that won’t get us sued,” said line employee Grant Hutton.
“Can we make improvements going forward? Yes. Will we? Possibly,” said CEO Barra. “Will we be the best in the world again? I dunno. Maybe. I’ll see what I can do. But, you know…”
At press time, Detroit recalls that it used to be a nice city.
