BRIDGEWATER, NH — After a few consecutive nights of uninterrupted sleep, local man Richard McDowell recently expressed alarm after he once again had that dream about the seductive Miss Green M&M.
“I just don’t understand what it means,” said a confused McDowell. “Am I physically attracted to the M&M? Is that even possible? I mean, I know she’s a candy-coated chocolate, but she’s also got a lot of humanlike features,” McDowell added, as he struggled to remember whether or not the green M&M is traditionally depicted with female breasts.
“If she has boobs, I think I’d feel a lot better about this,” McDowell affirmed.
According to the 43-year-old, the recurring dream — which he has had eight times in the last month — has taken a severe toll on his well-being.
“I lie awake at night for hours. I can’t concentrate at work anymore,” McDowell said. “The other morning my wife asked me why I kept demanding she ‘take off [her] shell’ in my sleep. I panicked and told her it was an Iraq War flashback.”
“Maybe I’m having these dreams because I’m hungry,” McDowell reasoned. “Or maybe I just think Mars Incorporated is a good company and I want to support their various product lines.”
At press time, McDowell had just fallen back to sleep when he was jostled awake by an unnerving dream featuring Mrs. Butterworth and the Miss Chiquita banana.
