MONCTON, NB – Despite having a son and a daughter of their own, local parents Bill and Tammy Hampshire say they prefer using professional child actors for their family photo shoots.
“Tabatha and Bill Junior aren’t ugly children,” Mr. Hampshire said. “But I’m afraid that when it comes to family photos, they just aren’t not ugly enough.”
The Hampshires have dozens of family photos, commemorating Christmases, vacations and Tabatha and Bill Junior’s birthdays: none of which contain their actual biological children.
“This is from Bill Junior’s seventh birthday,’ said Tammy, holding up a photograph of a child she neither birthed, nursed, nor raised. “Would you just look at that handsome young man!”
The Hampshires have found that every time they hire a child actor, it becomes more likely that they will have to hire another child actor for photographs at the next family get-together.
“It’s the kids’ fault,” Bill said. “If Tabatha didn’t stay up crying all night, her eyes wouldn’t be all red and baggy the morning of the family photo, and we wouldn’t have to bring in a kid who didn’t disgust us to take the picture with, probably.”
Nevertheless, Mr and Mrs Hampshire believe that they are acting in their children’s best interests by making sure that they grow up with a more “photogenic past”.
“We don’t want Bill Jr. to remember being last-pick for the soccer team, so we hired a taller, more handsome boy to stand in for him in the team photo,” Mrs. Hampshire said. “Now Bill Junior can look back on his childhood as a time of happy memories.”
“We think this is a great family tradition,” said Nadya and Chad, Tabatha and Bill Jr.’s better-looking counterparts.
Tabatha and Bill Jr. were not good enough to be reached for comment.
