LETHBRIDGE, AB – Refusing all social invitations and ordering in his meals, local resident Bill Grenley, 32, is reportedly savouring the last few precious moments he has to fully enjoy Woody Allen films without any nagging doubts or negative association
Sources who visited Grenley’s apartment, where he is engaged in a grueling viewing marathon, report “he’s caught up in this frenzy of laughing, tearing up, and thoughtful gazing, but it’s punctuated by sobering moments where he remembers how little time he has left to do this without feeling kind of weird.”
The same sources reported a “fond, nostalgic smile” spreading across Grenley’s face as he as he mouthed along the words “I will not, er, I cannot suck anybody’s leg… who I’m… not engaged to” in the snake bite scene in Bananas, before bowing his head, adopting a steely expression, and moving determinately on to Play it Again, Sam.
Later, during the bank robbery in Take the Money and Run Grenley shouted, “I love this part,” before taking advantage of his last chance to be entertained, without any gnawing sense of irony, by a scene where Allen narrowly escapes jail. Grenley also, for the last time, sighed deeply during the tender goodbye moment in Manhattan, while maintaining the assumption that the storyline about a middle-aged comedian’s unarticulated love for a teenage girl is a metaphor for something.
Grenley has gone to some lengths to hide his activities from would be critics, advising family members that he was “reading,” in a rapid, hushed voice when they casually asked what he was up to.
At press time, after much thought, Grenley had come to the conclusion that it was okay to watch Roman Polanski’s Chinatown again, as long as he made sure to tell at least 5 people how much he wished France would extradite him to serve time for his sexual assault crime.
