SASKATOON – After a frantic 29-hour search and rescue, a lost banana has been found safe and sound tucked inside a hammock.
“You never think it will be you,” said local handyman Julien First. “I came home at my usual time and my 7 and ½ inch banana was missing! I called the police straight away.”
Police Chief Gary Truman was initially doubtful about the situation.
“We get calls about missing things a lot this time of year,” Truman said. “Often, sizes are exaggerated. But here, if anything, Mr. First has been modest. This was a massive banana. I understood his frustrations in losing it.”
The house was searched from top to bottom, while friends and neighbors were being interviewed.
“Often in a case of missing bananas the first 24 hours are the most important,” Truman stated. “After that, chances are very good that the banana will be mushy and only good for banana bread. Not everyone has the time to make banana bread. Most people would rather have a quick snack, even with such a large banana. It was important that we exhausted every opportunity and all our resources to resolve the situation promptly.”
First has been humbled by the experience.
“I used to think my 7 ½ inch banana was impressive, but now I am just embarrassed at how much trouble it has caused.”
At press time, this torturous metaphor was believed to be about penises.
