TORONTO – At a scrum in front of his office, Toronto mayor Rob Ford admitted that a year ago, in one of his drunken stupors, he may have tried municipal politics.
Ford’s erratic behaviour, expensive transit schemes, and insistence on coaching football instead of showing up to work had caused many to wonder if he had a local government problem. And now they know, maybe.
“It was years ago, I can’t be sure,” mumbled Ford, vaguely in the direction of assembled reporters at City Hall. “In one of my drunken stupors, did I become Mayor of Toronto?” Ford asked, either rhetorically or to an absinthe-fueled apparition.
“Probably, I can’t be sure. I’ve tried governing in the past but I’m not addicted to it.”
As the city comes to term with the fact that Rob Ford is indeed their mayor, so too must Rob Ford. “I’d like to see this tape,” Ford admitted, referring to the only video of his time on the job, which The Star and Gawker both claim to have viewed.
“I want to see the state I was in. Was it more like The Hangover or Dazed and Confused?” As of press time, Ford was not entering treatment for either his drinking or governing problems.
“I have made mistakes,” he said, “all I can do now is apologize and move on. I can assure the public that it will never, ever, ever, ever happen again.”
