CALGARY – CN has declared that the recent spate of train derailments stem from the overtraining and high talent level of the drivers.
“Part of the problem is our train conductors are just way too advanced for boring straight tracks,” CN spokesperson Louis-Antoine Paquin, stated. “Places like Saskatchewan are so dull to them that they need to do things to stay awake and interested. We may have to add levels of difficulty to our tracks.”
Veteran CN train conductor Milt Ironside believes the culture of drivers needs a shake-up.
“Some of these guys are on the job thinking they can drive a double hopper with their eyes closed” Ironside said while slapping his CN issued hats. “And some do! I’d tell the bake head to give ‘er on the 15 gradient doin’ 35 over 30 with a 90 carter, all while standing on the cake walk, and I ain’t never had an issue. These rookies stop paying attention and turn left instead of right while driving backwards, or try to put on the air money with their feet. These rookies might, but I ain’t never heading back to the farm.”
CN has announced that there may be repercussions coming up for drivers cannot make the grade.
“We strongly believe if the conductors are held to the same standard as the PR department, there is no reason why we should not avoid most of these problems” Paquin added.
