Burnaby, BC – Anthropologists studying human female migration patterns have noticed mass movements of women toward cafes, college campuses, and libraries in pursuit of finding a mate for the winter months – the ‘winter boyfriend.’
“It is imperative to the well-being of the female that she find a mate for the impending drop in temperature,” explained Richard B. Lee, an anthropologist who previously studied the Dobe !Kung people of the Kalahari desert.
“The female on the hunt for the winter boyfriend will scout out the bearded, plaid-breasted, thick-frame spectacled male who is genetically predisposed to winter hibernation,” Lee added, while discretely observing female mating patterns in a local Starbucks. “She will use her mating call, “oh it’s starting to get so cold out. I’m freezing!” to signal to the male that she is seeking warmth for the winter and is willing to mate consistently to get it.”
“Once the male and female have paired off, they will begin their months-long hibernation ritual of cuddling, sharing common colds, and watching movies on Friday nights, much to the chagrin of the rest of their pack.”
“Toward the end of the season, the relationship runs its course,” Lee noted. “The female sloughs off the male cocoon, leaving him a husk of his former self, and metamorphoses into a mini-skirted, high-heeled butterfly, flying out into the Spring.”
