BY BOB RAE CHAIRMAN FOR FN (PTP) GROUP LIMITED PARTNERSHIP
After over a century of failed policy, destructive assimilation attempts, and culture demolition I have finally found a way to solve all First-Nations – Canadian issues.
To be fair, Paul Martin’s Kelowna accord and Stephen Harper’s residential schools apology were all nice tries, but with all due respect – I’ve got it from here boys.
My approach is simple; I take very enlightening trips every few months to First-Nations communities in order to understand what it is like to live day-to-day on their reserves. I stay in my custom made RV, which I like to call Rae’s Valour-mobile, equipped with all the gadgets and food I might need to keep my wits about me as I immerse myself fully in the living conditions that each community must face every day. I especially need to bring ample food supplies, as I would not be able to afford these lovely trips if I were paying the extortionist prices of food in many of these areas. After I have collected enough interesting stories and pictures I return to one of Canada’s civilized urban centers to recount my experiences to my peers.
You see, what all others before me seem to have misunderstood is that First-Nations want us to speak for them not to them. This way, news outlets cover the stories and Canadians have a greater understanding of the issues because it’s coming from someone who looks like them.
This approach is so successful that I will now be head negotiator for many BC First-Nations bands concerning pipeline construction through their territories. They realize a TransCanada oil executive will listen intently to a man of my standing and complexion and will be much more polite about ignoring what I have to say on the matter.
When I solve this problem in a couple of months, I’ll have the convenient anecdotes to complete my latest memoir, Bob: a Rae of Sunshine for Aboriginal Peoples.
