BEIJING – China is celebrating the announcement that its youths set a world record for productivity on Labour Day this year.
Thirteen-year-old Lin Shenlun, stood proud in front of three thousand pubescent colleagues at the Foxconn factory in Zhengzhou, exclaiming “this year the youth of China have demonstrated the true meaning of Labour Day to the world! By outperforming all other industrial countries we have confirmed that China’s youth are the world leaders in child labour. It’s fitting that we accomplished this on the international day for celebrating efficiency, toil and meeting quotas.”
Upon hearing this announcement, the children erupted in restrained and measured applause.
Bosses and armed guards instructed them to get back to work already.
“Our youth are the lifeblood of a strong and efficient Chinese economy!” Declared a very proud president Xi Jinping. “They are a beacon of light to the world, demonstrating what children can achieve when they apply themselves fully to the betterment of their nation.”
Prime Minister Stephen Harper, who was in Beijing for trade negotiations, declared “Canadian children can learn a lot from the hard work of the Chinese youth.”
“Look,” Harper said paternally, “our children are running around playing soccer and video games, while these impressive youngsters work their fingers to the bone making the soccer balls and video games they’re playing.”
“Let’s be clear: How can we expect our children to compete on a global market in the future if they haven’t learned about hard work, inch-thick callouses, and why factory windows have bars on them?”
