Shawinigan, QC – The last week of the Mighty Tike baseball season in Shawinigan and the players’ parents are starting to worry that rampant steroid use will impede their children’s school work.
Jeannine Smith, whose 10 year-old son Roger hit 45 home runs in 9 games for the Jellyfish this summer, including the winning grand slam against the Manatees in the championship game, has noticed that his attention span decreased over the summer.
“Sure, he now has bulging biceps and is the star player for the Jellyfish but he can’t sit still for more than fifteen minutes without jumping on his desk. He’s like Tom Cruise on Oprah – and he’s no academic superstar.”
Roger, whose head is now wider than his body, isn’t too worried about his academic performance.
“I’m going to be a successful baseball player, just like Alex Rodriguez, Ryan Braun, Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Roger Clemens, Melky Cabrera, Antonio Bastardo, Jordany Valdespin, and Sergio Escalona” an intense Roger said while snapping his pencil crayons in half. “A little steroid use never held them back.”
Stephanie Laflamme, the principal of Roger’s school doesn’t appear to be too concerned about the effects of his twice-hourly consumption of human growth hormone. “He was always a poor student,” she said, “but now he’s a leading candidate for a scholarship at Oklahoma State.”
