MOSCOW – Following the passage of a controversial anti-gay bill in Russia, President Vladimir Putin is now attempting to remove all rainbow colours from the Olympic symbol in preparation for the 2014 Sochi games.
“We’d always suspected the IOC of trying to push some sort of gay agenda and after investigating their logo we feel we have definitive proof,” said Putin at a recent press conference, “Also, have you seen what those speed-skaters wear? It’s as if they want us to look.”
“If we allow gay athletes to compete openly under a rainbow coloured symbol, then what’s next? Will we also have to allow dogs to compete? I’m not sure Chechnya has many athletes.”
Vitaly Mutko, Russia’s sports minister, then revealed several alternate colour schemes for the well-known five-ringed image.
“We would like to keep the idea of many cultures coming together for friendly competition while adding that homosexuals and other abominations are not welcome,” Mutko explained.
Russia’s suggested symbols include five gray rings, five angry white rings surrounding a pink ring, and one large red ring with Putin’s face in the centre. The IOC has reacted negatively to these suggestions.
“This is ridiculous,” said IOC president Jacques Rogges, “we will not stand for this sort of attack on the tradition of the Olympics and our values of inclusivity and acceptance. I mean, we’re not going not to do anything about it because that would go against our tradition of doing nothing in the face of rampant intolerance and dictatorial cruelty.”
Putin concluded his press conference by stating that despite Russia’s position he welcomed an open dialogue on this issue and then excusing himself to pump six rounds into a rainbow that had appeared above the Kremlin.
