Wascana Park, Regina – What started out as a dispute over a fallen popsicle, has now turned into a full fledged race war between the red ants of the community garden and the black ants of the garbage can by the water fountain.
3 year old Brandon Lowden inadvertently caused the dispute when he dropped a piece of his melted popsicle right in the middle of the ants’ territories, which is located by the picnic table with the uneven legs.
Upon smelling the popsicle, both ants sent out a couple dozen drones to investigate. At first the ants, upon encountering each other, remained relatively peaceful until one of the black ants took offense to what appeared to be a racially derogatory pheromone that a red ant was releasing. Soon the ants had alerted the rest of their colonies and a full scale war had erupted. Most of the battle had taken place around the popsicle, with no group claiming victory as of yet.
Animal race relations expert Lauren Moncrief stated “I’ve covered my fair share of animal race wars; black bears vs. brown bears in the Alberta wild, white fish vs. rainbow trout in Lake Winnipeg, even the famous jersey cow vs. brown cow in the pastures of Spooner, Wisconsin, but nothing matches the intensity of the animosity between the red and black ants in this community recreational park.”
Tensions between red and black ants have been building ever since a recent rash of magnifying glass attacks have disrupted both colonies. The attacks have mostly taken place in an offshoot colony where red and black ants have historically lived together peacefully, near the week old gopher carcass.
The war has mostly gone unnoticed by park goers. When a local jogger was asked whether he had anything to say to either side about the conflict he replied “What?” likely because humans do not have the ability to communicate with ants.
However, local park resident Juice commented “Juice said it today, Juice said it yesterday, the wrath of God will punish all the sinners whether they be human or insect .” After asking for a dollar, Juice then went on to say he believes the black ants have Jesus on their side before wandering off to take a nap by the broken down swing set.
The most affected by the war seems to be the popsicle owner, Lowden, who burst into tears when asked if he felt responsible for the deaths of thousands of ants and the ruining of countless ant families.
