TORONTO – Calling to an end an elaborate three-year undercover operation, Toronto police chief Bill Blair announced today that special agent Rob Ford has uncovered a major drug ring in the city’s west end.
“We set up a phony football charity and gave him the alias ‘The Mayor’,” said Blair. “At times it seemed that Ford believed the story himself. He is truly among our best operatives.”
While undercover, Ford was forced to subject himself to crack cocaine in order to earn the trust of dealers and kingpins. To lend credibility to his fabricated persona he engaged in erratic behaviour, like arriving intoxicated to galas and abruptly leaving meetings to put fridge magnets on cars.
Ford’s next mission will reportedly take him around the world, far from Toronto politics.
“I have five days to master a Russian accent from the Perm region and brush up on my helicopter landing skills,” Ford said. “Which gives me just about enough time to tie up loose ends at City Hall and with [court clerk monitor] Bethany,” he added with a wink.
