HAY RIVER, NWT – Transport Safety Board (TSB) Officials concluded today that a fiery plane wreck that resulted in millions in property damage was caused by burnt skeletons piloting the aircraft.
“Based on the evidence available at the scene of the crash, we have concluded that severely burnt human skeletons were primarily responsible for this spectacular explosion of fuel, aircraft and luggage,” said Michelin Stuart of the TSB. “At 13:27, the Beechcraft King Air 350 took off from Hay River en route to Yellowknife. 22 minutes into the flight, approximately nine skeletons and one-third of another hijacked the aircraft. We believe that they were stowed in several of the passengers’ luggage or disguised as halloween costumes.”
Investigators pointed to evidence from the flight data recorder, which allowed them to hear what they determined was a group of skeletons highjacking the aircraft.
“What we heard in the garbled flight recorder was ‘Mayjay – Mayjay – Mayjay’ in a terrified voice,” said officer Rick Henderson. “Our expert opinion is that this couldn’t possibly have been the pilot speaking since pilots are always very smooth and calm over the radio.”
Henderson went onto explain that the term was probably some sort of spell or code to summon more skeleton power.
Since no bodies have been found, the TSB have concluded that no one died in the accident, and are optimistic they will soon find the eight passengers and two pilots. Investigation crew estimate they were ejected somewhere over the Western Arctic at 8,000 feet, but will be fine since they probably landed in snow.
