TORONTO — Conservative Finance Minister Joe Oliver will appear at an elite all-boys tree house club to woo supporters after cancelling a speech at a men-only club. “Mr. Oliver will st…
Tag: thomas mulcair
Mulcair hastily flushes pot legislation down toilet after parents come home early
OTTAWA – After being surprised by his parents early arrival, NDP leader Thomas Mulcair was forced to dispose of his draft for a marijuana legalization bill. “Oh fuck! Oh fuck!” said Mulcair…
Inmate Del Mastro caught trading cigarettes for votes
BATH, ON – Corrections officials say former Conservative MP and ethics spokesperson Dean Del Mastro has spent his current prison sentence bribing prisoners to vote Conservative with cigaret…
NDP: ‘$17/hour’ in English translates to ‘$15/hour’ in French, ‘$13/hour’ in Punjabi
MONTREAL – NDP Leader Thomas Mulcair has informed the media that the wage gap between party campaign workers is just how $17 per hour in English translates differently into French and Punja…
Poll: Liberals, Conservatives neck-and-neck among left-handed Yukoners
According to the five person poll, both the Grits and Tories hold 33% of southpaw support with the NDP a distant 17%. “Both leaders have been meeting with the lefty lobby in this riding,” said F…
Trudeau promises that if elected he will be Prime Minister
OTTAWA – During a speech to Liberal supporters, Justin Trudeau took time to promise the Canadian public that if his party is elected to government, he will make sure that he serves as the h…
Mulcair calls on wealthy to donate child benefits to less fortunate political party
LONDON, ON – NDP Leader Thomas Mulcair encouraged wealthy parents receiving the enhanced universal child care benefit to generously give it away to a needy political party. “The Harpe…
Justin Trudeau insists new beard completely unrelated to polls
VANCOUVER – Justin Trudeau arrived to a speaking engagement today with what witnesses say was a kempt, salt-and-pepper beard that gave him an air of maturity he had previously lacked in the…
Harper visited by the ghosts of Canada Day past, present, and future
OTTAWA – Earlier today, Prime Minister Stephen Harper held a press conference to announce that he had been visited by the Canada Day spirits of past, present, and future as he tried to slee…
Harper agrees to English TV debate provided he has no opponents, questions
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper has agreed to participate in a televised English debate under the condition that he will be the only candidate present and no questions are asked. Har…