TORONTO – Fairly certain that nobody on his morning commute will notice, local man Paul Markus has begun to slowly clip his nails and tear away his current layer of skin to make room for a …
Tag: subway
Quiz: You think you’re better than me?!
I saw you giving me the eye from across the subway car! Yeah, I’m talking to you Mr. plaid shirt and blue jeans! Something about me amuses you or something? Take this simple quiz to find out if y…
Thunder Bay transit opens single subway station
THUNDER BAY, ON – Transit advocates and city residents celebrated the grand opening of the city of Thunder Bay’s first and only subway station today, located on Memorial Ave. near the Inter…
Customers pleasantly surprised to learn Subway chicken has 50% poultry DNA
TORONTO – Regular patrons of Subway restaurant were ‘delighted’ by the results of a CBC Marketplace investigation released last week that revealed that some of the food chain’s sandwi…
TTC assures riders that heating on subway cars will be broken just in time for winter
TORONTO – In a public announcement today, TTC CEO Andy Byford has reassured a worried public that the heating system on its subway will cease to be operational by December, precisely as scheduled…
TTC concerned as signal system begins upgrading itself
TORONTO – After a recent series of service delays, workers at the Toronto Transit Commission have reported that trackside signalling equipment has become self-aware and is now improving itself au…
Bombardier completes first delivery of horse-drawn omnibuses to TTC
TORONTO – After more than a century of delays, the TTC has received the new omnibuses it ordered to replace the aging wagons used on the Cabbagetown – St. Lawrence line. “These new om…
Local woman super pumped to carry La Senza bag on subway
TORONTO — Local woman Chelsea Burney told reporters that she was “really looking forward” to carrying a 14 by 22-inch bag bearing the highly recognizable logo of women’s lingerie store La Senza o…
Leader of rat colony disgusted by TTC overcrowding
TORONTO – After being displaced by the continuing construction work at Toronto’s Union station, the leader of Ontario’s largest rat colony today expressed his disgust at the current level o…
Otherwise compassionate man willing to trample baby to get on subway
TORONTO – Despite describing himself as a generally caring and empathic person, local man Derek Li is fully willing to crush a human infant to death with his feet if it means catching his t…