VANCOUVER — Weeks after a mandatory mask policy was put in place on public transit, 35 year-old Devon McCarthy was fed up with people refusing to comply. After glaring judgmentally at maskless pe…
Tag: Olympic
Indigenous Games interrupted by pipeline construction
TORONTO – The North American Indigenous Games, billed as the largest sports and cultural gathering of Indigenous people on the continent, was put on hold today, as crews arrived unannounced to br…
IOC to punish Russia for doping by forcing its athletes to compete in Rio Olympics
LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND – The International Olympic Committee has announced that, as punishment for the recent state-sponsored doping revelations, all of Russia’s athletes will be forced to partici…
Terrorists very disappointed with Olympic performance
The terrorists sent to Sochi from the northern Caucasus region of Russia, who want to establish an Islamic theocratic rule over their territory, apologized today for their lackluster performance …
International Olympic Committee admits there are no real rules to Curling
SOCHI – A controversial call during a recent match has revealed that nobody in the world actually knows what is up with Curling. What began as a simple inquiry about whether or not “offside” was …
Judging scandal gives tough guy excuse to talk about Olympic ice dancing
Sudbury, ON – Local bartender and former minor league hockey enforcer Jake Schmidt has been outraged by the alleged judge fixing in Sochi figure skating, in which the Russians have supposed…
Nation’s moms really looking forward to ice dancing portion of Winter Olympic Games
Winkler, MB — Admitting that they didn’t much care for any of the other televised sporting events, the nation’s mothers told reporters this week that they simply cannot wait to watch all the ice …
Team Canada fails to medal at Opening Olympic Ceremonies again
SOCHI – For the 22nd time in Winter Olympic history, Team Canada has failed to win a medal on the opening ceremonies event. “It’s really disappointing that we couldn’t mak…
Putin vows to finish Sochi Olympic facilities in time for next Sochi Olympics
SOCHI, Russia — Amid complaints from international media that much of the Sochi olympic facilities are still under construction and the hotel accommodations essentially unlivable, Russian P…
Poll: Canadians overwhelmingly in favour of Olympic hockey team overthrowing, leading government
Following today’s’ Team Canada 2014 Olympic hockey roster announcement, Canadians polled support the team of top athletes toppling the current Canadian government, and subsequently leading the co…