THORNHILL, ON – After years of training and countless displays of wrath, a local woman levelled up from her previous iteration as a common Becky and finally achieved her true form: that of …
Tag: cops
Oakland cop claims Ujiri’s chest caused permanent injuries to his fists
Oakland, CA – In the wake of a video clearly showing that he assaulted Raptors president Masai Ujiri, Oakland deputy Alan Strickland has amended his lawsuit to claim that Ujiri’s chest and …
Toronto Police warn protesters against vandalizing symbols of white supremacy, citing difficulty of removing paint from uniforms
TORONTO — Following the arrest of three Black Lives Matter – Toronto protesters over the act of dousing racist monuments in bright pink paint, Toronto Police are threatening considerable le…
Local mom shocked to discover ACAB doesn’t stand for “A Cool Autumn Breeze”
Muskoka, ON – Local mother Wendy Marylin was shocked to discover her favourite acronym “ACAB” did not commonly stand for “A Cool Autumn Breeze.” “I thought this whole time I was just celebr…
Officer working at ninth police department in ten years probably just filled with wanderlust
Lawrence, KS — Though there are many possible reasons that Constable Dennis Bass has worked at nine different police departments over the last ten years, law enforcement experts agree that the mo…
But if we abolish police who will cut the line at Tim Hortons?
By: Denis Williams As many across this great nation have called for abolishing police forces, I find myself wondering what a world would look like without cops. Perhaps most disturbingly, I wonde…
John Tory seeks compromise, offers to de-fun the police
TORONTO — In the wake of backlash to Toronto city council’s refusal to defund the Toronto Police budget by 10%, Mayor John Tory is seeking to appease angry voters by offering to “de-f…
Defunded police officer forced to buy own cocaine to plant on people
Camden, NJ – Faced with economic hardship since his city defunded the police force seven years ago, local police officer Pete Garner has been forced to use his own money for vital supplies,…
Government urges Canadians worried about maxing out CERB payments to become police officers, get suspended with pay
OTTAWA — With Canada Emergency Response Benefit (CERB) payments set to end for many Canadians, the government is encouraging anyone with financial concerns to get hired as a police officer, engag…
Feminism Win! This female cop also sucks ass
In what many are heralding as a diversity win, police officer Danica Greer is defying traditional gender roles by proving that female cops can be just as big pieces of shit as their male cohorts.…