OTTAWA – The federal government announced plans this week to upgrade their dated military by hiring the most powerful weapon they can think of: an eight-year-old with a water gun. “For years, our…
Tag: Bill Blair
Dissolved Proud Boys rebrand as “Hoity-toity Boys”
OTTAWA – After being designated as a terrorist group by the Canadian government, the Proud Boys have dissolved to rebrand themselves as the “Hoity-toity Boys.” “We are big strong men who do…
Toronto police demand G20 victims accept apology and disperse
TORONTO – Speaking through a megaphone from behind a line of riot police, Toronto police chief James Ramer warned over 1000 people unjustly arrested and detained during the 2010 G-20 summit…
Nation groggily wakes up next to Justin Trudeau
CANADA – After a ‘wild night’, where emotions and alcohol ‘may have gotten a little out of hand’, the nation has woken up with a splitting headache, next to Justin Trudeau. “Ohh boy,” said …
Bill Blair wins Liberal candidacy after kettling nomination meeting
TORONTO – Former Toronto police chief Bill Blair has won the Liberal Party nomination in the riding of Scarborough Southwest after kettling the nomination meeting. Saying that it was the mo…
Toronto Police: ‘Our wages have to compete with organized crime’
TORONTO – The Toronto Police Service is defending its high salaries by stating that the force must remain competitive against the high wages of organized crime. “Our police force must attra…
Toronto police release Bill Blair after ten years in custody
TORONTO – After being remanded for a reason that still has not been disclosed, Bill Blair was finally released by Toronto police after being unlawfully detained for over 10 years. “It’s bee…
Rob Ford dares Police Chief to arrest him before he poisons the Gotham reservoir
TORONTO – At a press conference, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford challenged Police Chief Bill Blair to apprehend him before he could carry out “yet another fiendishly wicked stroke of criminal genius”, an…
Rob Ford denies the existence of Chief Blair
TORONTO – After being questioned about the previously elusive crack video now in possession by Police Chief Bill Blair, Mayor Rob Ford vehemently denied the existence of the “alleged” head of the…
Chief Blair: Agent Ford successfully infiltrates drug ring
TORONTO – Calling to an end an elaborate three-year undercover operation, Toronto police chief Bill Blair announced today that special agent Rob Ford has uncovered a major drug ring in the city&#…