WASHINGTON, D.C. – The recent surge in civil unrest following the shooting of an unarmed black teenager by police in Ferguson, Missouri has U.S. lawmakers contemplating the decriminalization of b…
U.S.
House Republicans sue Obama for emotional distress brought on by his presidency
WASHINGTON D.C. – Leaders of the Congressional Republicans recently announced their intention to commence a lawsuit against President Barack Obama over the severe psychological harm and anx…
Hobby Lobby female employees now required to wear chastity belts until marriage
WASHINGTON – In the wake of winning a Supreme Court ruling, US arts and crafts retailer Hobby Lobby has announced that all of their female employees will be required to wear Chastity belts …
Forest fire devastates millions of acres of good firewood
SAN DIEGO – As firefighters extinguished the last smoldering embers of an extensive forest fire, residents and industries were heartbroken about the loss of perfectly good firewood that the…
Hero Cat appointed Bakersfield deputy sheriff
BAKERSFIELD, CA – The “Hero Cat” who saved a young boy from a vicious dog attack in Bakersfield, California has been appointed deputy sheriff of Bakersfield. “Tara” the cat, who…
Oklahoma prisons to execute inmates using hot beef injection
OKLAHOMA – A special panel convened following a series of botched executions has announced today that Oklahoma prisons will be replacing the potent chemical cocktail previously used in leth…
Asian rights groups satisfied with invasive species name change from “Asian Carp” to “Mexican Carp”
WASHINGTON – US Asian rights groups are pleased to hear the Department of Natural Resources has decided to change the name of an invasive carp species from “Asian Carp” to “Mexican Carp”. N…
NRA concerned about rise in knife-related violence in schools
WASHINGTON – The National Rifle Association is raising the alarm about knife-related violence in the American school system after a recent knife attack at a Pennsylvania high school. “We ar…
CNN anchors disappointed to discover Malaysian airline mystery just a regular tragedy
ATLANTA – Following weeks of wild round the clock speculation on the nature of the mysterious Malaysian Airlines disappearance, CNN anchors were disappointed to discover that the plane simply cra…
Fred Phelps surprised heaven is so hot
THE AFTERLIFE – Fred Phelps, the recently deceased founder of the hyper-conservative Westboro Baptist Church, was shocked today to find God’s Kingdom so uncomfortably hotrelig “Well, golly,…
