DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA – During the crowning moment of his political career, Vice President-elect Mike Pence decided to take a moment during his oath of office to explain why the length of Ru…
U.S.
America opts for open-casket inauguration
WASHINGTON DC – As per America’s wishes, today’s presidential inauguration ceremony will be open-casket. Funeral Director Kellyanne Conway decided to have the public viewing so that the wor…
The Beaverton’s Inauguration Coverage
The Beaverton’s Marilla Wex reports live from Washington DC with breaking inauguration coverage. Up first, Donald Trump has interrupted the Arlington Wreath Laying Ceremony to plug his new…
Donald Trump to be sworn in by actor dressed like his father saying he’s proud of him
WASHINGTON – President-elect Donald Trump will make history this Friday, when he is both sworn in and assured he has made his father proud, by an actor portraying the late Fred Trump. “The …
Guide To: Inauguration Day
The Beaverton begins our coverage of the presidential inauguration.…
Appearance at Trump inauguration completes Caitlyn Jenner’s transition to total asshole
LOS ANGELES – Reality TV star Caitlyn Jenner announced this week that she will appear at President-elect Donald Trump’s January 20th inauguration ceremony, completing her highly publicized transi…
Trump cements job creator status by booking Three Doors Down
WASHINGTON, D.C. – United States president-elect Donald Trump delivered this week on his campaign promise to put unemployed Americans back to work by hiring the country’s single least-employable …
Poor Americans saved from tyranny of government healthcare by rich Americans with government healthcare
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Senate voted 51-48 this week to open debate on a budget resolution that Republicans hope will free working class Americans from the tyranny of having to use t…
Congress delivers final insult to Obama by keeping White House security deposit
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than two weeks left in the White House, U.S. President Barack Obama was surprised to discover Congress would not be returning the $650 security deposit he gave …
Jared Kushner named senior advisor to President based on ability to have sex with Ivanka
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A member of Donald Trump’s transition team revealed this week that son-in-law Jared Kushner will be named a senior advisor to the President, based on the fact that he possesses…
