…
Toronto
TIFF UPDATE: Everyone agrees that one movie you didn’t see was the movie you HAD to see this year
TORONTO – After 2 weeks, dozens of screenings and thousands of hours of your life spent in dark, dirty movie theaters, critics and audiences have agreed that the movie of the festival was t…
TIFF UPDATE: Real celebrities show Canadian celebrities how it’s done
TORONTO – At Canada’s biggest entertainment event of the year, attendees are reporting that our country’s celebrities are being outdone by their American counterparts. “I was standing outsi…
TIFF UPDATE: Severe flood cripples city core after Ryan Gosling sighted by large group of women
TORONTO – An unexplained flash flood occurring moments after Ryan Gosling exited a limousine wearing sensitive, yet masculine formalwear brought the Toronto International Film Festival to a…
TTC driver blames ‘shitty fucking TTC’ for being late to work
TORONTO – Longtime TTC streetcar driver Morris Stollery was late to start his shift on Wednesday, a fact he blamed on Toronto’s poor public transportation system. “The transit s…
Rob Ford probably doing something stupid right now
TORONTO – Although he is not currently in the public eye or available for comment, city officials, journalists, and citizens of Toronto are all in agreement that mayor Rob Ford is probably …
Dejected Rob Ford builds model subway line linking basement rec room to basement storage room
TORONTO – Despite pleas from all his sane family members not to go through with it, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has invested thousands of household dollars to build a model subway line linking h…
Ford administration okays tax hike to save city’s struggling video stores
TORONTO – Addressing growing concerns that video stores throughout the city are closing down amidst falling profits, Toronto mayor Rob Ford announced a new tax subsidy to help video-rental …
