TORONTO – Overwhelming customer complaints regarding long delays and crumbling infrastructure have prompted the TTC to suggest to its unhappy customer base “to grow up” and “buy a fucking c…
Toronto
Rob Ford’s proposed Subway extension to bring 18-inch sandwiches to Scarborough
SCARBOROUGH – After years of uncertainty, the City of Toronto finally has enough dough for a Subway plan that will increase the size of the Footlong by six inches. The project, part of a broader …
Mayor Ford officially ruins sex
TORONTO – Embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford ruined intercourse for thousands of Torontonians today when he implanted the image of him passionately engaging in cunnilingus in their minds fore…
Rob Ford: ‘In drunken stupor, I once tried being mayor’
TORONTO – At a scrum in front of his office, Toronto mayor Rob Ford admitted that a year ago, in one of his drunken stupors, he may have tried municipal politics. Ford’s erratic behaviour, …
Rob Ford denies the existence of Chief Blair
TORONTO – After being questioned about the previously elusive crack video now in possession by Police Chief Bill Blair, Mayor Rob Ford vehemently denied the existence of the “alleged” head of the…
REPORT: Still unclear if mound of rubble is part of construction work or Nuit Blanche
TORONTO – Days after the Nuit Blanche arts festival, Toronto residents are still not sure whether an especially scenic pile of rubble is part of the city’s ongoing construction work, or if …
Toronto Police Association: It’s a sad day when an officer can get charged just for beating the fuck out of somebody for no goddamn reason
TORONTO – representatives of the Toronto Police Association say that they are “shocked” and “saddened” that Constable Babak Andalib-Goortani has been found guilty in the brutal assault of G…
TIFF celebrities excited to catch glimpse of Rob Ford
TORONTO, ON – As the Toronto International Film Festival gets underway, more and more celebrities have been spotted outside of City Hall, hoping for a glimpse of the city’s most famous citi…
Toronto Star begins paywall website, hopes no one knows how to clear internet history
TORONTO – After several other renowned newspapers implemented paywalls for internet content, publishers at the Toronto Star are hoping that none of their online readers know how to clear th…
Deafening military flyovers of airshow exciting novelty for city that has never been bombed
TORONTO – Following a week of ceremonial flyovers by Canada’s elite Snowbirds, Toronto residents have reported greatly enjoying the noise and spectacle of seeing CT-114 Tutor fighter planes…
