TORONTO – Friends and family of adult film star Nikki Benz find themselves at a loss to explain the actress’ baffling decision to debase herself by running in the upcoming Toronto mayoral electio…
Toronto
12 overdose at Woofstock
TORONTO – The celebrations at Summer Woofstock, the annual canine festival, ended in several emergency vet visits after 12 dogs were reported to have partied too hard, possibly ingesting il…
Olivia Chow Unveils Transit Plan: 5.2 Million–Seater Tandem Bike
Toronto mayoral candidate Olivia Chow has shaken up the race today by unveiling her official transit plan: a 5.2 million–seater tandem bike designed to accommodate every man, woman, and child in …
Doug Ford blames Autism Youth Home comments on Rob Ford’s alcoholism
TORONTO – After alleging that a youth home helping children cope with autism was “ruining the neighbourhood” City Councillor Doug Ford took full responsibility for his comments today, by bl…
Genghis Khan polling strongly in Toronto mayoral election
TORONTO – Following yesterday’s debate, polls are showing that Genghis Khan, outsider candidate and butcher of an estimated 80 million human beings, is leading the race to become Toronto’s …
Rob Ford dares Police Chief to arrest him before he poisons the Gotham reservoir
TORONTO – At a press conference, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford challenged Police Chief Bill Blair to apprehend him before he could carry out “yet another fiendishly wicked stroke of criminal genius”, an…
Rob Ford Neknominates Ontario Premier in Internet drinking game
TORONTO – Toronto Mayor Rob Ford released a video on the new ‘Ford Nation’ YouTube channel today in which he participates in the new Internet drinking phenomenon ‘Neknomination’ and challen…
TTC suggests passengers just ‘buy a fucking car already’
TORONTO – Overwhelming customer complaints regarding long delays and crumbling infrastructure have prompted the TTC to suggest to its unhappy customer base “to grow up” and “buy a fucking c…
Rob Ford’s proposed Subway extension to bring 18-inch sandwiches to Scarborough
SCARBOROUGH – After years of uncertainty, the City of Toronto finally has enough dough for a Subway plan that will increase the size of the Footlong by six inches. The project, part of a broader …
Mayor Ford officially ruins sex
TORONTO – Embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford ruined intercourse for thousands of Torontonians today when he implanted the image of him passionately engaging in cunnilingus in their minds fore…
