TORONTO – As the 2015 Pan American Games approach, workers and officials are confident that construction of the tunnel leading to the Toronto island airport will be finished on schedule for…
Toronto
Weeping John Tory carries shotgun down to sickly Gardiner Expressway
TORONTO – After telling the city council that ‘the Mayor should be the one to do it,’ a quietly crying John Tory has walked down to the Gardiner Expressway with a loaded shotgun in his hand…
York Regional Police claim black bear shot on lawn was reaching for officer’s firearm
Newmarket, ON — On Monday, an unarmed male black bear roaming through Newmarket backyards was shot dead after police claimed the bear made a distinct motion for a responding officer’s gun. …
New Toronto police chief carded on way to swearing in ceremony
TORONTO – On the way to his own swearing in ceremony, newly installed chief of police Mark Saunders was stopped and questioned by Toronto police. The married father of four was “crept up on…
Toronto Police: ‘Our wages have to compete with organized crime’
TORONTO – The Toronto Police Service is defending its high salaries by stating that the force must remain competitive against the high wages of organized crime. “Our police force must attra…
Toronto universities offer new undergrad course in Advanced Test Marking
TORONTO – In a change that University of Toronto and York University say “will better prepare students for the rigors of the workplace or something”, undergraduate students will be asked to…
Report: dime still not subway token
TORONTO – Despite being certain that he had finally found the missing subway token in his jacket pocket, local man Ryan Malan discovered it was, yet again, nothing but a dime. “I looked in …
Police unearth extended metaphor for student debt near York U Campus
TORONTO – An underground emblem for university arrears and the difficulty of paying them off has been discovered near the Rexall Centre at York University. According to authorities, the symbol is…
Men’s Right groups protest removal of penis-shaped map at Downsview bus station
TORONTO – After TTC officials took down a penis-shaped map of the bus terminal at Downsview station, members of the National Coalition of Men announced a sit-in to protest the continuing war on p…
Subway tunnel workers just going to pretend they didn’t find that chamber of skulls
TORONTO – Workers on the Spadina subway extension who discovered an enormous subterranean chamber of skulls this morning say that they’re just going to seal it back up and move on with thei…
