TORONTO – Visitors from the U.S. were dismayed this week to learn that despite Canada’s recent marijuana legalization, the city of Toronto is still extremely boring. Ohio native Jenna Blake…
Toronto
St. Michael’s faculty, parents insist they’ve had a long talk with students about properly covering up hazing
TORONTO — Following a police investigation into graphic reports of sexual assault among the students at St. Michael’s private Catholic boys school, the faculty as well as some parents…
Toronto Maple Leafs promise strong start to hockey season will not affect ability to lose playoffs
TORONTO, ON – Despite winning 7 out of 10 games so far this hockey season, Toronto Maple Leafs Head Coach Sheldon Keefe reassured fans that the team’s impressive performance will not impact their…
Albino Squirrel from Trinity Bellwoods elected to City Council
TORONTO: In the result of an upset victory, Torontonians woke Tuesday morning to a find surprising new member on City Council: one of the white squirrels from Trinity Bellwoods park. “This was my…
SUV that hit cyclist on way to polls elected councillor in Etobicoke North
TORONTO – In an surprise victory Etobicoke North incumbent Michael Ford has been defeated by an SUV that just hit a cyclist. “It’s been a tough race” stated Ford in his concession speech “b…
John Tory wins on entrepreneurial background as guy who spent decades working for his dad
TORONTO – Incumbent Mayor John Tory was re-elected today, on the strength of his qualifications as a man who started his political career having worked exclusively for his dad and his dad’s…
Polls indicate Toronto mayoral frontrunner is Doug Ford wearing John Tory’s face as a mask
TORONTO – As residents head to the polls this morning, all signs suggest that the city’s new mayor is likely to be Doug Ford wearing John Tory’s face as a mask. Polling data suggests the Ford-Tor…
John Tory stunned to learn he can’t send butler to vote for him
TORONTO — As Torontonians head to the polls, Mayor John Tory is reportedly shocked that he cannot send his butler, Reginald Percy Shillingsworth, to cast his ballot for him. “What? You expe…
Pride Toronto willing to do anything to get gay icon Doug Ford to join parade
TORONTO – Following an announcement by Ontario’s sickeningly fabulous Premier Doug Ford that he would only march in Pride Toronto’s annual parade if police are also allowed to m…
