BY KRAMPUS, THE GERMANIC YULETIDE DEMON Guten Tag! With the holidays upon us once more it is time for I, the Krampus, to reflect on what is truly important. Oh, I’m certain things seem very simpl…
Opinion
Charles Manson is getting married and I’m still single, even after I murdered all those people
BY DAVID ALAN RUSKIN Well ain’t that just a kick in the pants? 80 year old convicted murderer and cult leader Charles Manson – yes, that Charles Manson – is engaged to marry an attrac…
Harper tells Putin to ‘get out of Ukraine’
At the G20 Conference in Australia last weekend, Prime Minister Harper had a brief showdown with Russian President Vladimir Putin, telling him to “Get out of Ukraine.” What’s your say? “So…
Let’s not jump to conclusions about Jian until we have the facts
BY: BIG EARS TEDDY Friends, fans, Canadians, I, like many of you, was deeply disturbed by allegations made earlier this week against my friend, roommate, and boss Jian Ghomeshi. I, like many of y…
Thank you mom and dad for letting me follow your version of my dream
By Alexander Botschinsky Today I want to thank you Mom and Dad, for the support you’ve given me throughout my life, and for letting me follow all of my dreams, goals and passions in a way that c…
Screw it, we’re all going to die anyway
By Rona Ambrose, Minister of Health I was sitting on a panel discussing assisted suicide the other day when I came to a startling realization. I’ve been totally gypped. At first I thought, wow, m…
COUNTERPOINT: I thought I was Minister of Veteran Affairs, not Minister of Crybaby Affairs
BY: HON JULIAN FANTINO, MINISTER OF VETERAN AFFAIRS It is critical to provide veterans with the facts about the benefits and services that are available to them so they may get the help they need…
BUT THIS IS MY INDOOR VOICE
By: Hon. John Baird OVER MY POLITICAL CAREER THERE HAVE BEEN MANY ON BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE WHO HAVE THOUGHT MY PRESENCE IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS TO BE SOMEHOW BOTHERSOME. IT HAS BEEN SOMEWHAT OF…
I always use Pure Green Coffee Bean weight loss capsules™ to slim down for my high profile congressional hearings
BY: DR MEHMET OZ When I was asked to appear in front of a U.S. Senate panel for promoting potentially fraudulent weight loss pills on my show, my first thought was: I’ve got to drop 5 pounds, and…
I’m not the fucking Science Guy, you fucks
BY BILL NIGHY Every time I tell them my name at Starbucks, the cashier seems to feel the need to ask me, “Oh, like the science guy?” Ha ha. Well. Take a good fucking look at my last name you shit…
