DEAN DEL MASTRO, MP FOR PETERBOROUGH I’ve had some time since I resigned from the Conservatives to reflect on what happened and I’m starting to think that provoking Elections Canada to issue char…
Editorial
Wait, if we get rid of religious headwear, then how will we know who to discriminate against?
BY PAULINE MAROIS Fellow citizens of la Belle Province, let me begin with an appeal to my record as premier. You elected me based on my platform of not being Jean Charest. And haven’t I done exac…
If we cherish equality, ignore Syria like Iran, Rwanda, and Darfur
BY KOFI ANNAN, FORMER SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE UNITED NATIONS With the drums of war beating among Western powers, I feel it is time to bring attention to the lack of equality we are showing our S…
I would remember more Middle Eastern leaders’ names if they didn’t change so frequently
By Hon. John Baird, Minister of Foreign Affairs Since the beginning of Arab Spring in 2011, people living under the oppression of autocrats and despots in the Middle East have overthrown their le…
I write horror stories because the real horror is society
By Derek Darklord Greetings, fellow-travellers down the night-highway of the macabre. I, of course, am Derek Darklord, and You, of course, will recognize my name from the covers of your favourite…
When will I ever need these equations in real life?
By Stephen Hawking A few days ago I stumbled across a major empirical inconsistency in the apsidal precession predicted by Einstein’s general theory of relativity. As I finished writing dow…
A day of reckoning will come for the tyrants at Douglas Mini-Putt and Go-Kart Track
By Mitch Clattenberg Brothers and Sisters; hark and listen as the glorious flutes of liberty herald the sacred ballet of popular uprising! We must cast off the shackles of servitude and bathe in …
Don’t be crazy, Elvis Presley died in 1977
By Alvin Priestly You know, every so often I’ll stumble across a news story about some person who thinks they’ve seen Elvis somewhere. Maybe they saw him in a blue Dodge B100 parked outside of Rh…
I’m pretty sure I would be in this exact same position even if Pierre Trudeau wasn’t my dad
By Justin Trudeau In the wake of my recent election as leader of the Liberal Party of Canada, I’ve noticed that one or two media outlets have suggested that my success may somehow be related to m…
None of this would have happened had you flossed
By Dr. W. Scott Harrington Look, we’ve been through this many times: brush your teeth in the morning and at night, don’t eat sugary foods and floss daily. I hate to sound like a broke…
