OTTAWA – Just hours after the Gray Jay was named Canada’s national bird, the White-hooded Warbler has been named Canada’s nationalist bird. “Yes, the friendly and resilient Gray Jay best re…
National
Justin Trudeau apologizes to indigenous peoples for the mistreatment they will suffer for the next 150 years
In a brave and compassionate maneuver Canada’s Prime Minister finally apologized to first nations peoples for all the terrible things the government of Canada will soon be doing to t…
Conservative Party Leadership Profile: Brad Trost
Name Brad Trost Background While his precise birth date is unknown, archaeologists have determined Trost was born sometime around 1095 AD at the beginning of the Crusades. He studied geophysics a…
Homegrown Canadian racists determined to compete with flashier American racists
OTTAWA – Following the events of the US election, Canada’s homegrown and indie racists are determined to not have their hateful efforts overshadowed by the behemoth to the south. “People ar…
Nation’s evil twins shave goatees
OTTAWA – Realizing they could finally become unstoppable, evil twins from coast-to-coast have shaved their once tell-tale goatees, making them completely indistinguishable from their loveab…
Canadian Air Force facing setbacks after several more CF-18s fucked by giant metal birds
OTTAWA – The aging Canadian Air Force suffered yet another setback today, after giant metal birds had sex with several more of its planes. “Earlier this morning, giant metal birds ploughed …
Kellie Leitch initiates diplomatic relations with Trump by borrowing dog whistle
OTTAWA — In a symbolic gesture aimed at demonstrating the “shared values” she hopes will serve as the foundation of strong diplomatic relations between her party and U.S. President-elect Do…
Cohen family unsure what song to play at Leonard Cohen’s funeral
LOS ANGELES – Sources inside the Cohen family say they are having difficulty picking a song to play for the beloved singer-songwriter’s upcoming funeral. According to senior Cohen family me…
This year’s poppies “extra stabby” to help Canadians appreciate soldiers’ sacrifice
OTTAWA – Representatives from the Royal Canadian Legion have confirmed that their newly-redesigned poppies were built for optimal pointiness, size, and “gouge-ability”, to help Canadians be…
Nation relieved to hear Ebola just in Winnipeg
OTTAWA – Upon hearing that a lab technician was possibly exposed to the Ebola virus, Canadians were relieved to hear that the exposure only occurred in Winnipeg. “Oh, thank God,” explained …
