OTTAWA – Principal Secretary to Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and completely innocent man Gerald Butts has resigned citing no reason in particular. The good-natured employee said that his s…
National
Local man wearing baseball cap in February like winter some kind of fucking game
CALGARY—Reports have confirmed that local dickhead, Tyler Brin, has been walking around, outside, in February in a piddling little baseball cap, as though cold weather is a funny little goddamn j…
Trudeau asks Wilson-Raybould if she could take blame for a few other scandals on way out the door
OTTAWA — As Jody Wilson-Raybould resigned from cabinet in the wake of the growing SNC-Lavalin scandal, Prime Minister Trudeau reportedly asked if she’d mind acting as scapegoat for a handfu…
‘Communist Broadcasting Corporation’ Facebook comment lands uncle 5 years in gulag
Tweed, ON – After a months long trial, local uncle Herb McKinley has been found guilty of criticizing the Communist Broadcasting Corporation and sentenced to 5 years hard labour in the gula…
Report: There are a bunch of cities outside Toronto with their own streets and buildings and stuff
TORONTO – In a recent report released by the Canadian Geographical Society, there appear to be upwards of 10 cities outside of Toronto that not only have a bunch of buildings and houses wit…
China unveils new tourism slogan, ‘Come and you’ll never be able to leave’
BEIJING – After a wave of Canadian citizens were suddenly and permanently relocated to China, the country’s Ministry of Culture and Tourism has unveiled an exciting new slogan, ‘Come and you’ll n…
New Canada Food Guide recommends sharing food with friends, you sad lonely fucks
TORONTO – Experts at Health Canada that loneliness is a large factor in proper nutrition, suggesting that Canadians could make huge improvements to their diets, if they stopped being such a…
Canada’s Ambassador to China John McCallum takes second job as lawyer to Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou
BEIJING – Canada’s top diplomat in China has been retained as legal counsel for Meng Wanzhou, the Huawei CFO who is currently fighting extradition to the United States on fraud charges. Amb…
Canada adds ‘will accepting you embarrass Saudi Arabia’ question to refugee claimant form
OTTAWA – Following their shockingly quick acceptance of Saudi teen Rahaf Mohammed al-Qunun’s refugee claim, the Trudeau government has officially amended Canada’s refugee intake questionnai…
Progressive RCMP policy requires officers to recite land acknowledgement before seizing indigenous land
OTTAWA – A progressive RCMP policy will require officers to read an indigenous land acknowledgement out loud every time they enforce a court ordered seizing of traditional indigenous land. …
