OTTAWA, ON – In a public statement made Monday morning, Health Canada officially asked Canadians if, before getting sick, they might first consider not getting sick at all. “Given the monumental …
Health
New study links depression to sharing office space with Dave
MONTREAL – According to a report released by McGill’s Institute for Mental Health, the leading cause of depression among working Canadians is shared office space with Dave Sheppard. “Nine t…
Heroic battle against cancer cut short by recovery
A woman’s courageous battle against cancer was cut short due to a speedy recovery, hospital doctors reported yesterday. “She’s healing quicker than expected,” explained Dr. Teeple of his patient,…
Hand-washing apparently still too complicated for 90% of the population
OTTAWA – Despite countless campaigns, television ads, posters, and educational programs, only a small portion of the Canadian population seems to have grasped the concept of washing their h…
Jogger decides to sprint
BURNABY, BC – 32-year-old jogger Walter Finnesky made the decision to run faster on Tuesday. “I was puttering along, and this kid rides by so slowly on a bike,” Finnesky said. “So I picked …
Study: Comedians make better lovers
MONTREAL – Comedians exhibit greater sensitivity and sexual stamina according to a new study published by McGill University. The study ranked sexual performance and partner satisfaction acc…
Health Canada warns cases of voter fatigue syndrome may reach epidemic levels by election day
OTTAWA – When Todd Gleck experienced shooting pains throughout his upper body after being greeted by yet another political canvessor, the 41-year-old father of three figured he simply neede…
Health Canada releases new set of Fat Warning Labels
OTTAWA – Health Canada released a series of disturbing anti-inactivity, anti-junk food warning labels this week in an effort to combat the country’s high rates of obesity. The warnings will…
REPORT: Majority of teens suffer post-dramatic TV-show disorder
Four months ago, Jesse Sparks, 13, thought she was living the life of a normal teen. But shortly after starting high school, she began suffering bouts of extreme confusion. Now home-schooled and …
